I haven’t gotten to share this blog as quickly as I had
hoped between work, traveling home to North Carolina, and getting married. The
wedding was fabulous and we played in the rain. Thanks for asking ;) now on to
being a big girl in wifehood.
On a more serious note though, I have been praying about the
topic in which I would share with you next. I feel that I have a lot of advice
from lessons that I learned the hard way on my journey to recovery from my
eating disorder. As I pondered and prayed about the order of topics that I
would share with you, the Lord laid two things on my heart.
If you are struggling with an eating disorder, the two
building blocks for starting your journey towards recovery lie in surrender and
renewing your mind. I discussed these topics briefly a couple of weeks ago, so
I hope that my story is still fresh in your mind.
As if coming out of denial of your eating disorder is not
difficult enough, listening to someone telling you to surrender control is even
more difficult. I know because I've done it. Eating disorders are all about
having control in a chaotic world just for a moment, even if it is
fleeting. In the moments surrounding the
night I cried out to God, I was desperate to be rescued from the life I was
living. Like the weight of a ton of bricks, I quickly realized that God would
not just allow me to escape my predicament, but I did know deep in my heart
that He would walk with me through it.
In the months to follow, the Lord led me to read in the book
of Isaiah 44:6-23, and that’s where today’s words of wisdom begins. Because this
passage is a little longer, I’ll include some quoted scripture and some summarized
scripture.
Isaiah 44:6 says, “…I am the first and I am the last. There
is no God but me.” The scriptures continue through verse 8 to talk about how
there is no God besides the LORD that knows the future or can establish His
people. Then, in verse 9, Isaiah is speaking to the nation of Israel on behalf
of the Lord, saying, “All who make idols are nothing, and what they treasure
does not profit…” As I read this for the first time, I pictured in my head metal
or gold cows or shrines carved out of wood. The further I read into the
passage, the further I realized that the image in my head was not too far off,
so I wondered why in the world I was reading this part of the Bible. You may be
wondering why I am even writing to you about it, but just hang in there.
Verse 13 says, “The woodworker stretches out a measuring
line, he outlines it with a stylus; he shapes it with chisels and outlines it
with a compass. He makes it according to a human likeness, like a beautiful
person, to dwell in a temple.” Later in the chapter, it talks about how this
idol served the man, but the man was still unfulfilled and far away from the
Lord.
After reading through to verse 20 or so, I began to feel
conviction in my heart. Although I had not built physical idols for myself to
store in my home or place in a temple, I was using my eating disorder to try to
create something beautiful in myself, something that was worth honor or praise.
I was doing everything I could to chisel away at my body, to rid myself of
memories so that I could control my own thoughts. My eating disorder was my
idol. Although I believed in Christ and had accepted Him into my life at a
young age, I was living in a state of sin because I wanted to continue carrying
my own burdens.
So hold on tight to your seat friends, because if you are
struggling with an eating disorder, you too have succumbed to the sin of idolatry.
I called you out. You’re welcome. It’s all on the table now. That’s just one
sin we struggle with as a part of being human, Christian or non-Christian.
Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the
glory of God.” That’s right, every single one of us. Thankfully, this scripture
leads to others. Our sin leaves us without hope, but due to the grace of God,
He sent His son Jesus to die on a cross. Redemption came for us when he rose
from the dead after 3 days, for now he reigns and no evil shall conquer us.
Jesus’ death is a payment that was made on behalf of the human race, but only
for those who accept it, which does leave us with hope although it may seem
daunting. In order to accept His grace, His mercy, His love, and His hope, we
have to surrender ourselves to Him.
My favorite part of Isaiah 44 is in verse 22, which states,
“I have swept away your sins like a cloud. I have scattered your offenses like
the morning mist. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free”
(NLT, see other version below). This verse depicts the action that anchors our
hope.
If you are tired of the fight on your own, you have the
option to surrender. It’s a simple task, but not for the fragile in heart.
For the Christian and
non-Christian alike, the first step is requesting forgiveness for living a life
of idolatry. Forgiveness is not forgetting. The Lord knows where you have been.
God’s forgiveness is the act of treating you with grace and mercy when you
should be treated justly.
Finally, surrender to
the Lord your entire life. Even if it seems frightening in the moment, trust
that the Lord has your best interests in mind, for He has a future and a hope
for you (Jer. 29:11). For those of you that are Christians, you can surrender by
being willing to be obedient to the Lord and acknowledging the truths relayed
in the Bible. For the non-Christian, you can pray to God, asking Him to send
His Holy Spirit into you heart because you believe that Jesus died on a cross
to pay your debt, a debt that began with Adam and Eve in the very beginning of
creation.
If you are interested in surrender, but not quite willing to
participate, that’s ok. I do want you to ponder what I said, comment below if
you have questions, or read through the books of John or Romans to learn more
about the life of Jesus Christ. We will touch base on renewing the mind in a
later blog. J
Awesome Syd....you've brought tears to my eyes just reading this. Thank you so much for your blog, and for not only helping those with eating disorders but so many others as well. You are certainly one of God's cherished gems!
ReplyDeleteYou have helped me so much. Thanks for sharing your blog. My illness Fibromyalgia has tried to take over my life with such deep misery of pain all over my body. And other ways too. Reading this has helped me. I have been trying to handle this illness on my own. I need to pray and talk with a God each day and hand it all over to him. Have faith God is with through all of it. You are such an inspiration to me Sydney. God bless you.
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